My Mental Health

As Mental Illness Awareness Week comes to a close today, I feel I need to do my part to #stopthestigma

It’s hard to talk about my own mental health, but I saw @kevinhinesstory speak a few weeks ago and it was so powerful that I have been thinking about his strength ever since.

#thingspeoplesaidaboutmymentalillness

“But you have ‘everything’ how could you be sad?”

I have heard that often from others… too often from my own voice.

I am working on learning that it really is all relative to me and my life. Some people may have it worse or be physically sick but having depression and anxiety is still an illness… most likely caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain.

I have been on the rollercoaster of depression for many years now. Sometimes it is hidden deep within for a long time and then decides to show up at what I think are random times.

After the birth of my first daughter I had heard about Post-Partum Depression and the effects it could have on me and all those around me. I thought like everyone else, having a child is a wonderful, happy time. But low and behold when she was about 8 months old I still wasn’t feeling myself and having issues with anxiety and symptoms of depression. With the help of my husband and my parents, I reached out. I was seeing a counselor for a few weeks and felt I was getting back on track.

There were days when I felt I was circling in my thoughts during my conversations with the therapist and I would never get a hold of it all. In hindsight I should have looked for someone else to talk to, she wasn’t a good fit, but on the other hand I thought I was “healed”. Knowing deep down, I may never be healed, I may have many moments of depression and anxiety throughout the rest of my life.

When I was pregnant with my second child I had moments of anxiety thinking “how could I handle another baby?” “how will I love them just as much as I did my first?”.

On the day we were to be released from the hospital I was told that due to my past history with PPD they wanted me to speak with the social worker before I discharged. Ironically, knowing that made me anxious, especially when we were just waiting on that ‘check mark’ to leave with our new baby.

In full defense mode when the social worker came to talk with me, I cried and felt I was already being “labeled”. She attempted to reassure me that it was just to let me know that “if” I felt I needed someone to talk to, to reach out sooner than later.

Well this time around when my baby was just a few weeks old I felt I was anxious all the time. Trying to raise two young girls, keep them fed, healthy and do the same for myself as well was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Post-partum anxiety is something that isn’t talked about and is generally lumped right in with PPD.

I spoke with a friend of mine who was my labor/delivery nurse and she told me I should reach out to the social worker I had spoken with in the hospital. I had kept her card with the hospital paperwork and I knew that was what I needed to do, so I contacted her.

I didn’t tell too many people I was going through this. I felt ashamed, scared and weak. I think to this day many people close to me and in my life in general have no idea I am dealing with PPA and PPD.

I don’t know when it turns from Post-partum issues to everyday anxiety issues. My youngest is almost 15 months and I am still meeting with the social worker twice a month to work on how I can get through the days and weeks with my anxiety that triggers my depression.

So no matter what “category” we lump my mental health struggles under, they are still my struggles and I am working every day to be able to manage them and go forward and #beheretomorrow

Thank you to my “rocks” for helping me up and getting me through each day… or more honestly taking the brunt of my episodes and still loving me no matter what!

 

Struggling with your mental health ??? Reach out!

There’s no shame in asking for help!

 

 

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39 Weeks

39 weeks and waiting for Little One to arrive…

This pregnancy has been similar to my first in many ways. I’ve had it pretty good and apparently I make a cozy home for my children in my belly, so much so they don’t want to come out 🙂

I vaguely remember the “waiting” towards the end my first time around. With my daughter I was induced at 41 weeks 1 day. And here I am at the end of the another pregnancy wondering when this Little One will arrive. We are as ready and prepared as we can be.

I’m pretty nervous about having another baby. We have just seemed to settle into a rhythm as a family of three and now everything will change again. Many people keep telling me that it won’t be long until we adjust as a family of four and I think deep down I know that but only time will allow me to believe it.

I’ve read some other blog posts about moms feeling stressed about how they will love their second child. And is it possible to love the second as much as the first? Is there enough love to go around?

My best friend told me today to take it all one day at a time and that love will get us all through this anxious time! I need to have faith and believe that! 

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Family// Honoring My Husband (not just on Father’s Day)

I don’t know if I can come up with the right words to tell my husband just how much I really appreciate him. 

He works hard for our family, he loves us unconditionally, and he is an excellent Dad… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Over the past 2.5 years I’ve seen a side of him that amazes me everyday! He is a wonderful Dad to our daughter and is already prepping to be a wonderful Dad of two children. 

The way he interacts with our daughter is so cool to watch. She has his personality and for that I am even more grateful. They are both so easy going with life and take most things in stride… I am learning so much from both of them. 

I think we are a great team in this challenging part of life called parenthood and I wouldn’t want to go through life with anyone else! He helps keep me balanced and knows exactly when to step in when I am having a tough time.  

To you my awesome husband, until I find the words to express how I feel deep down… I say a simple THANK YOU! Thank you for being you and for loving me and our family! You truly are one of a kind and I am so grateful to have found you! 

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#28daysoflove

With all the division going on around the country and the world lately I keep hearing “all we need is love”. And I agree! I can do my part in my own life and hope that it transfers to the world around me. 

I decided to challenge myself in the month of February to take a picture (all with my iphone 6), at least one each day and then post them to my Instagram account. 

I’m happy that I did it and it’s fun to look back on the month!

Each picture I took was of a moment in my day that made my heart feel happy! 

Enjoy! 

January 2017 Here and Gone

I can’t believe it’s already the last day of January?! I feel like we were just Christmas shopping and here we are heading into the second month of 2017. 

We celebrated “Squirt’s” 2nd birthday this month also.

HOLY COW I have a TWO YEAR OLD?!?!?! 

*pt* and I were just reminiscing about when I was pregnant with her and now we are having full conversations with her. She is so smart and learning more each day! 

Favorite things of our beautiful 2 year old: 

-singing

-dancing

-spinning in circles

-playing with her kitchen making “nom nom”

-Minnie Mouse, Daniel Tiger, Curious George 

So proud of our little girl and who she is becoming! She is so polite and says “please” and “thank you” all the time and uses her signs for them too. 

Thanks for being so amazing Sweet girl! Can’t wait to see what you accomplish in the year ahead! 

xoxo

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Keeping it Simple

I am sad that I haven’t been writing lately… there are so many days that I think of things I could be jotting down and I just don’t make time or I don’t get around to it.

I came onto my site and I saw that I had drafts from a year or two ago that I never finished and that made me really disappointed in myself.
When I was young, I used to love to keep a diary or journal. I found some of them when we cleaned out my parents house recently and most of the days I just wrote simple things that happened or how I felt about something. I think that is how I need to get back into this. Keep it simple…

I am envious of friends and other people who have blogs and write all the time and I make time to read them, but neglect my own thoughts swirling around in my head.

I don’t need a million people to read or follow what I write, so I need to just focus on me and my writing… or better yet for now just jotting down my thoughts.

Thought for the my day:

Keep it simple!

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18 Months Young

It is so incredibly hard to believe that our little girl was 18 Months yesterday!

She is the most amazing human I have ever met!

I am elated that she chose me to be her Momma and I can’t wait for each day with her to see what she will learn and do!

1 hour

1 Hour

1 day

1 Day

1 week

1 Week

1 month (2)

1 Month

1 month

1 Month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 year

1 Year